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Good Girls Don’t Improvise: Seeing and Sticking

In the women’s improv class I’ve been teaching now for almost a year, we have made some incredible progress. New women can now join in the class and get swept up in the unity and positivity that is the foundation of what we are building. And the transparency of all that comes up in us and between us as women. Postmodern gals who are a confusing mass of vying for alpha-female and being “the one”; obsessed with being liked and being nice; desperately seeking affirmation and doing it right; and not caring one iota what anyone thinks because who really cares anyway? And all sitting next to this beautiful impulse to be more, create more, work together as ONE, support the best in each other, and always get back up when you fall and give it your best because you care about each other and what we’re building.

Recently, we have been playing around with gender. At the start we stayed clear of it because it’s far too easy to rip apart what “other women” do while never really seeing it in yourself. Our goal is to see the universality of WOMAN and that whatever we see out there is to some degree in

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Good Girl’s Don’t Improvise: History is Our Friend

I remember taking history classes in school…I certainly got a lot from some of them but in general and don’t think I ever felt connected to history as how it connects to my life, my choices, or my future.  It was the study of THE PAST and it was old and it was over, it was something interesting to look back and see, but it was always ‘less than’ where we are now.

I have now been giving my GOOD GIRLS AREN’T FUNNY talks in New York City for a few months and what I have seen, over and over, is that it is the HISTORICAL perspective on being a woman in 2010 that is the MOST liberating, the most helpful, and the most alive.  It’s fascinating!  The minute I put up the slide from my power point presentation that has a timeline starting in 3000 BC and goes until the present moment, something shifts.
Suddenly we are all talking about WOMAN, not just the 40 individuals in the room. We’re talking about all of our SHARED past lasting thousands of years, though countless cultural shifts and leaps — instead of our individual, unique paths that make us seem more different than

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Good Girls Don’t Improvise: Having Each Other’s Backs

Good Girls Don’t Improvise Post #4

Last night may seem to have been just any Thursday night, but in New York City it was the debut of our all-woman’s improv troupe. We are calling the troupe “13 degrees” because of the talk I have been giving about the GOOD GIRL structure in women’s consciousness and a series of photos I found: the stereotypical “GOOD WOMAN” all with a slightly passive and selfless tilt to her head, and all at about a 13 degree angle.  There is a scene in IRON MAN 2 (great movie if you haven’t seen it yet) and in one part Gwenyth Paltrow is talking to Robert Downey Jr and she goes from being very angry (straight ahead-head) to suddenly being the very understanding “good” girl and WHAM!  her head tilts 13 degrees. It’s fascinating and I have started to see all the times I do it as well…all very interesting.

Anyway, I digress…the show last night was a huge success and the 8 women performing worked together

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Good Girls Don’t Improvise: Universal versus Personal

GOOD GIRLS DON’T IMPROVISE: POST #3

We are in our third cycle of classes in our women’s improv class at my school in NYC, Improvolution! There are now 12 and counting.  I also gave a talk (the first of many to come!)  at HB Studio in the Village on Sunday.  There were 15 women present and both what hit me then, and has been so liberating in the class, is what happens when we see this Good Girl structure almost as an entity, person or voice outside of ourselves.  To see and recognize that she is not who we are, but one of the many cultural constructs that make up who we are.  It is no secret (as I wrote about in my last blog) that we are not merely made up of our psychological habits and conditionings – what we experienced as an individual growing up makes up a lot of who we are but does not explain everything.  We are made up by the culture we come from and also values and patterns of thinking that have come before.

A story that I tell that now makes more sense to me is when I was in college (1986-1990),

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What Does It Mean to be Post-Modern: Introduction

POST #1

I know when I first started hearing “postmodern” all I really had as a reference was “that art movement” but couldn’t say much more about it.

I see now that to understand and engage with my own values of postmoderism is of the utmost importance and the only way to not only see where we are stuck in culturally, but also what the next, called Integral, level of development holds for us all.

But before I get too ahead of myself, I thought it would be great to go slow, all get on the same page about the simple question: “what does it mean to be Postmodern?” For us to have a focused inquiry and exploration together is so completely thrilling and the benefits for our collective understanding and development seem countless.

So, for now, let’s just explore that question…

And I’d like to kick it off with a basic understanding of what Postmodernism is from Steve McIntosh’s amazing book: Integral Consciousness and the Future of Evolution. (if you haven’t read it, you ought to) Postmoderism is defined at a stage of human development, distinguished from previous and post stages by its values. What is helpful is to understand the way Human Development develops…each “stage” (ie. Tribal to Warrior to Traditional to Modern to Postmodern) is a RESPONSE to the previous stage…it’s not an isolated or random set

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SHE-FORCE: The Affirmation Reformation

POST #2

It may look like an innocent work meeting: men and women smiling, listening and nodding, some scribbling notes. But it’s there, running through the veins of most of the women present. Perhaps the most powerful drug around – highly addictive, seemingly impossible to kick, and worst of all, hardly anyone can diagnose it.

What is it?

If you guessed “affirmation,” you picked the right door. (Sorry, I don’t have any door prizes, but hopefully the fact that you won is, well, affirmation enough.) Affirmation is something we as women haven’t really taken on in ourselves. If we’re really honest, we know it’s what motivates much of what we do and how we think. The need to be liked, the need to fit in, the need to be told we’re okay, we’re beautiful, we’re smart, we’re good, we’re right – man, oh, man, it’s intense. And our pursuit of it can be both relentless and ruthless.

There are good reasons why “woman” is this way. Evolutionary biologists explain that our need to fit in, be accepted, be part of the group is completely survival-based – which is why it can seem so forceful. Thousands of years ago – and up until very recently – we haven’t had the means, opportunities or freedoms to stand on our own and take care of ourselves.

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SHE-FORCE: Mad Men and Pussycat Dolls

POST #3

If you haven’t seen the series MAD MEN on AMC you should. It’s pretty fantastic and on top of everything else, it’s really showing what it was like for women in1960 (set in New York). It brilliantly exposes the very narrow and constricting options that we had just 50 years ago (in many of our own lifetimes). I feel the suffocation just watching this show and the culture that existed at that time when women had started entering the workforce. Our options were pretty limited – the perfect, happy, pristine housewife or the working girl with tight skirts and loose morals, all too willing to play the game of cat and mouse with the men. Just think of those Doris Day movies and what she was trying to uphold in the face of this new work culture. It makes me think, what would I have chosen? Just the thought makes me hyper-ventilate…neither thank you very much!!! But that just seems to be where we all were – men AND women – and it makes me even MORE appreciative of where we have come in these last 50 years, and of what women had to wade through and push against to get us all here.

It has got me thinking also about what women will say in 50 years about us…where are we compromised and where do we need to push that will seem constricting to them?

As a new SHE-FORCE, we would want to be interested in that. We’d be a force of women working

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SHE-FORCE: Introduction

POST #1

SHE-FORCE
How can women work together in a new way that’s based on genuine trust, support, and integrity?

I am 39 years old and have grown up, like probably most of you, assuming that I am a free woman. Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, ‘That Girl’, ‘Bewitched’…everything I saw on TV reinforced what I felt all around me – women are equal and free! And in many ways that is completely true. But what I am most interested in exploring in this series is where we still may NOT be free. Now put down your tazers, I’m not going after the guys here, nor the media. This runs much deeper. What am I talking about then? Maybe this will ring some bells…
You’re at work and you start up a conversation with the new girl/woman, or maybe someone you see a lot but haven’t talked to before. She seems really nice, friendly, smart and before long you’re getting along great – laughing, hitting it off. You think “wow, she’s cool. A new work friend, perfect!” Then that guy, (insert name here of any guy you work with that you have a mild flirting relationship with, or is in any position of power) walks by and, ignoring you, says something flattering to your new “friend” or chats it up with her. Then that familiar feeling starts to kick in…your thoughts go from “she’s so nice” to “I hate her! I want to kill her! She’s such

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Introduction: A new option

POST #1: A new option

It was about a year ago that I realized it was time to just make a commitment.

If I had a checklist for where I was in my life, it would have looked pretty good: late 30s, living in Manhattan, freelance writer, founder of an improv school, volunteering for an organization dedicated to creating a better future, plenty of good friends – all dimensions accounted for.

Well almost. It was everything but “a man.”

I was one of those ‘date a few times and then be inseparable for two years’ people. When I moved to NYC in 2001, Sex and the City was at its peak. That show and its promise of the perfect city life for a young single woman was a factor in me moving from LA. I know, it’s sad. But it just shows how deep and powerful the desire to find — and how much fun it is to look for — that one guy really is.

And within a short amount of time, I had created a version of that life for myself … a group of girlfriends, summer nights going to the trendiest bars, wearing the trendiest couture our budgets (and credit limits) would allow … all in the name of being happy at being single, knowing we’d be happier when we found our Mr. Right, or Mr. Big, whomever showed up first. And like most of us (we know who we are), we had a lot less action with guys than our role models on the show did. Our

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Biology and Brendan Fraser

POST #2: BIOLOGY AND BRENDAN FRASER

I walk into the room looking fabulous. Everyone sees me, struck at my appearance. I’m at a work party – normally I’m looking smart in my DKNY suits, but tonight, I’ve transformed into vision of glamour and sexiness that surprises everyone. Especially the most attractive, powerful, slightly-bad-boy-but-he’s-just-misunderstood guy in the office. Oh, and he’s rich. Well, at least that’s how this version goes. The details and time period can change but it’s pretty much the same story. And I’m guessing I may not be the only woman who has these daydreams, fantasies, and deep-seeded desires. That’s why all these commercials, TV shows, and movies work on us! And I’ve learned how this is one of the many structures in women’s consciousness that is fueled by the sexual impulse. But let me step back a sec…

This month serves as my one-year marker in my celibacy practice. I’ve taken a three-year commitment, or vow, for a very specific reason. It wasn’t a “Hey, I can’t find a decent guy, so SCREW IT! I’m celibate!” It’s a conscious investigation that, at the end of those 3 years, I may or may not choose to extend. During this time I’ve, and will continue to, learn about the deeper forces in myself that are usually unconsciously steering the ship, so to speak.

One discovery has been that

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